Cats complain about their hoomans, their annoying habits and how they keep invading their privacy: 'They can be very clingy sometimes!'

Author image for Giuliana Tiscioni
Giuliana Tiscioni • Writer
Oct 10, 2026 7:00 AM EDT

Have you ever wondered what your cats would say about you if they could speak? 

We all have wondered that at some point or another, and it's just that, by the faces they make, sometimes we can almost guess what's going on inside their heads. And for some reason, I've always imagined that if they could actually talk, their voices would come out all squeaky. Not in the way of a low, soft purr, like they do when they're happy. Nope, if they could talk, their voices would be high-pitched like those angry meows they make when we accidentally step on their tails. Poor furballs; we never mean to hurt them, but sometimes they stand too close to us, without making a single sound, and we don't even notice they're there! 

We've established already that our furbabies have some peculiar traits and habits. We love them as they are, but we can't always understand the train of thought behind the decisions they make or their general behavior. Most times, there is no train of thought behind those eyes at all. I wish we could ask them what they think, or why they do what they do, and maybe someday science will be advanced enough to allow that in some weird and futuristic way, but for the moment, we just have to trust what they say with their faces. And yes, keep imagining what they would complain about if they had the chance. 

Luckily, there are people out there who are way ahead of us and have already taken the time to sit in front of the computer and think like a cat. What would they complain about? What would they say about their hoomans? Would they prefer we were different? Some of those questions are asked and answered here, so if you want to tread in your cat's shoes (or paws) for a while, this is your chance! 

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  • My human misbehaved

    Dear fellow felines, I adopted a human a while ago and even though she's quite a good human, i.e. she performs her duties
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • of preparing my food and entertaining me very well, there's one thing she does that makes me want to scratch the furniture.
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • Cheezburger Image 10670285312
    via Kari Shea for Unsplash+

    A cat on a chair. 

    Image depicted solely for explanatory purposes.

  • When I go to bed at night, she follows me. I mean, she's allowed on the sofa,
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • armchair, and chairs, which is very generous of me already, but my bed is MY private space and I don't want a human sleeping there.
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • So to make clear to her that the bed is off limits, I lie down in the middle of it, showing her that
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • there's no room for her. But what does she do? She just contorts herself to fit in as well.
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • Cheezburger Image 10670284800
    via Paul Hanaoka for Unsplash+

    A cat on the bed.

    Image for illustrative purposes.

  • I understand that she wants to be close to me, but I need my uninterupted beauty sleep. Has anyone dealth with the same issue?
    via u/KiwiFruit404
  • peaceock Contrary to the majority, it's wiser to let your human sleep near to you. They don't usually sully the bed. They
    via peaceock
  • also help keep the bed warm. Just make sure you clean yourself incase they touch your furr too often.
    via peaceock
  • Brilliant-Move-9203 If you are still within your 14- day return window, I'd try to see if you could exchange said human for another one. They can be very clingy sometimes!
    via Brilliant-Move-9203
  • Cheezburger Image 10670285824
    via Jack Plant for Unsplash+

    Clingy human holding a cat. 

    Licensed media provided as editorial context.

  • MumSaidImABadBoy My humans get upset when they're sleeping and I jump off a dresser and land on them. I like sleeping on their heads too. If they didn't feed
    via MumSaidImABadBoy
  • me great food and treats I'd contact the CDS for a relocation. After all the years I'm kind of attached to them so despite their nighttime
    via MumSaidImABadBoy
  • behavior, I'll stick around some more, winter is coming and I've come to like being warm, fed, good petting and scritched on demand.
    via MumSaidImABadBoy
  • Cheezburger Image 10670285568
    via Kabo for Unsplash+

    A cat eating its food. 

    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • Holly_kat I have this problem with my human all the time. Don't they know that if we touch them, their moms will abandon them?
    via Holly_kat
  • lost_dazed_101 Yes my human refuses to let me sleep on her head, chest or legs. And she gets really upset when I decide to test my claws while I'm sleeping between two long sticks. Why
    via lost_dazed_101
  • she even smacked me when the claws sunk in. And she hasn't apologized to me for it yet. She had the audacity to threaten me with ourdoors if I ever did it again. Yes people
    via lost_dazed_101
  • true story thank G the smack was interrupted by my leg so she didn't get hurt just offended but come on you little hairy domesticed terrors some places are OFF LIMITS!
    via lost_dazed_101

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